breatherla

Who knew?

Tue, 19 May 2009 22:31:38 GMT

I want what I want when I want it!

Mrayte Ya Mrayte.

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 01:31:45 GMT

Why are you still hiding behind my chest?
Come find me, I'm in here.
Your diametrical facet was made iridescent.
The remnants of my entrails are wandering through my corpse.

We're trapped within each other's edge

Who drew those bruises beneath your skin?
Is he worth the inability to raise my chin?
You failed to portray the real her.
I'll sweep off the broken pieces of you.

Internal Bleeding

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:16:44 GMT

I didn't see it coming.

I never really knew much about it either.

I have no idea what it looks like.

I might be starting to feel it here and there.

I'm gonna lie down until it goes away.

Dusty ends.

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 18:04:04 GMT

I feel you undress my mind
when you kiss my forehead.
My fears dissolve in my tears.
I search for reason through you eyes.
The hours pass and I don't find your truth.
Might I like living in disguise.

Bathwater.

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:05:38 GMT

I trust myself.

new glass

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:44:43 GMT

I don't know how I did it, but somehow now I can see.

=]

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 03:23:19 GMT

By the way, I tried to say
I'd be there... waiting for.

Ana

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 00:14:19 GMT

She came and whispered to my ear.
She's invisible and I could not see her.
She is fragile like me and I could barely feel her;
She can be disguising.

Me, instead, noticed her before she could take over my body.
And, I think I would like to thank her comforting company.
Ana saved me, after all.
Much more closer than I thought.

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 21:57:20 GMT

Thank You.

Dead Nature

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 03:55:33 GMT

I learned to smile without you here.
I live to see that you're not around.

I love experiencing it all by myself.

Breadcrumbs on today's special

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 19:36:13 GMT

What would you do if it was your last day on Earth?
I think I'd do exactly what I'm about to.
Try to make you happy.
Every since all of this happened, every single day I'm alive has become my last day on Earth,
Yes, I have decided to really love you and to acknowledge all of those little things that make you perfect.
If this is what makes you happy, go away, free yourself from me.
God bless your path like he has my broken road.

Paco.

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 15:16:14 GMT

Your voice resounds in my head.
Your mood spreads over my organism.
Your presence I witness in my illusions.

Never mind who you think you are.
I question the reasons why you despise me...
If it's because I ever wanter to reach your hands.

I might as well be the reflection of you.
I doubt you ever had a chance to fabricate your chimera.
I inquire your authorization to grab your wishes, to engrave them in the sand of Buchuaco.

My wish is to blow out the magic in your face.
Please, please, let me prove you that supernatural is a fact, not a myth.
I'm sure you're right here next to me, forgiving and approving of what I plan to do.

Thank you for being the oxygen between this keyboard and my fingertips.
A blessing it is to have you watching over me.

Dream of things that are materialized into nothingness

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 01:43:27 GMT

I don't believe I could use my energy to attract you anymore.
You are the reason why I'm standing on my feet and that will never change.
But I don't want to have to convince you that you should be with me.
If you don't think I deserve you, that is good with me.
You think I'm weak. I think you're strong.
And maybe, that's more than enough to keep me satisfied.

Cancer of the Lover

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 03:06:11 GMT

I went to a place where the pain of the heart ran through my veins up to my head.
I lost it for a couple days, then it came back to my hands, all by itself.
There was no rushing, no pushing, no lashing.
Just wishing, flourishing, and accomplishing.

I think you've been my chemotherapy.
So I guess I owe it to you, to color on a new canvas... to mix in some oil with more love, to create different shades.
I'll dedicate it to you. My best, one that you can appreciate, one that you will recognize.
I'll write it with my tears, I'll play it with my touch, I'll sing it with my soul, I'll paint it with my thoughts, I'll dance it with my faith.

Gone

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:40:10 GMT

I am sorry, a bunch.
But I will not apologize anymore.

If you hate me, or still love me, it does not affect me at all.
Your indifference does not touch me.
I only care about myself,
and because that's the way things are,
I'm sure I'll do what I believe is best.

Don't expect me to explain myself.

heaven on earth

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:02:41 GMT

HONEY,
I ALMOST FAINTED THIS MORNING... BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M HERE.
DON'T HESITATE TO COME BACK. I'M HERE SURROUNDED BY ALL THE LOVE
WE'VE SHARED. GOD IS HERE WITH ME TOO. WE'RE BUILDING OUR WORLD UP AGAIN,
FOR WHEN YOU COME BACK. IT WON'T BE CALLED HEAVEN UNTIL YOU ARRIVE HERE.
WE LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL.

I have a dream.

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 18:53:59 GMT

"All of our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them"
I'm sorry you can't notice me now.
I'm sorry you can't forgive me.
I'm sorry you miss yourself so much.
I can just tell you that whether you like it or not,
I making our dreams come true.
I don't care if I have to fight against disease, against the world, against this person you think you are right now.
I have a weakness, that is that I can sometimes get lost within the crowd.
I can act like everyone else, I can disguise myself like you do right now... we're only human.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've learned to believe in God, and there's no going back.
I am a princess, and you're my prince, regardless of our actions.
I live in a fairy tale. And you can't change that.

I look into your eyes every morning, every night.

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 20:31:31 GMT

Here I am, in hopes you haven't forgotten this existed.
I'm ok. I'm recovering from everything that's happened.
I don't know what to tell you. I love you as I never have.
But maybe you just need to hear that I am ok, that things are looking great for me and that I've moved on.
I'm filling the empty space with all my hopes that we will one day be ok.
Boy, this feels good.
I only wish I could share this experience with you.
That's all I've ever wanted, to grow up with you.
For you to learn from my mistakes, and for me to see all the little things only you can show me.
If it never happens again, I hope I can visit your thoughts once every 6 months.
I hope once I'm settled back in your mind I can paint the story of us, the love I experienced with you, and that one melody we didn't get to hear.
You have made me a better person, once I was with you, and once you left me.
I want you to know that from the moment you inspired me, I've been living and will always live the dream of us.

Right here, right now.

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 23:19:48 GMT

The timing is perfect but this monster doesn't feel like paying me a visit today.
Why can't it be now?! when I'm home alone, ready for it to come...
It's challenging me...
I'm not in the mood for that now.
I said I quit.
I'm letting it take over.
When it comes, then the time will be right.
Can't it tell I don't have the strength to do this by myself?
Why doesn't it come?
I'll pray so that it comes soon, when no one's watching.
And it will hurt less then.

Blurry

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 15:54:45 GMT

I know I said I'd write you everyday while I still loved you.
Love is long gone, baby.
I'm not writing this for you.
I'm only here for myself, to forgive myself for what I'll do.
I apologize for all the broken promises.
I pushed you pretty far away last night.
I'm sorry this isn't about you anymore.
It's too late now, and I never meant for this to happen.
I never meant to hurt you like that, but then again, I just did.
I'm like a bomb that's about to go off.
When I do, I won't be there to see it.
Thought maybe if I could stand the pain, it'd make me, make us stronger.
But I've watched myself die while still alive.

I'm not expecting you to save me from myself anymore.
I've gone back and forth.
I have sometime time left, and I'd like to enjoy what's left of time.
I'm not coming back.
If I stay things could be worse.
I could hurt a lot more.
Though I really don't mind that.
I'm scared too... but I'm not afraid to live, to feel.
I'm not afraid to be a coward. Not scared of quitting.
I can't see through your eyes anymore.
I don't mind, if I never knew how to lose.
I'm not going to die at all. I've got hopes,
that God can forgive me, and that he has a place for me in heaven.
If I were choosing to kill myself, I would stay.
I wouldn't share these thoughts with you if I was really going to die.
I would write you bye letters and just go.
In reality, I'd be a crazy, depressed teenager who couldn't put up with the disillusionments of love and life.
I don't think I care to be all of those things.
In my world, "everyone is a pony, and we all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies."
Haha, no.

I'm something else, I've decided to take everything I've learned with me.
I've really appreciated life's lessons, and that's why I won't let them vanish with time.
I won't just be like "Life's taught me to not believe in you [love]" and then the next thing,
I'll fall in love all over again with a new person, someone who's not you.
Why? because I'll have the same expectations from that person than I had with you.
Love is not temporary, faces are.
You will always love. Just not the same person everyday.
I ran out of all kinds of love.
Love for myself, love for my family, love for my lover [you], love for God.
I'm not following God's commandments.
Maybe that's the reason I never believed in religion,
maybe I never actually believed in anything.
Or maybe I do now more than I ever have,
I believe in "this," I believe I'm leaving for the better.
Maybe I'm loving me, my family, you, God.
And that's why I'm going, that's why I'm asking you not to stop me.
I need to be in peace with myself. I need to rest.

Definition of this.

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 17:39:13 GMT

I want to be alright.
I swear to you it's not by choice.
Suddenly something takes over.
I don't believe in self-destruction.
I hope you know this isn't me.
I know it's asking for too much.
Please, try to understand.
If I ever decide to go and break you down,
that it was all against my wishes.
I'd dare to call it "what's happened to you."
I'm sure you didn't mean to push me this far.
But something bigger than you is forcing you act this way.

I'm fighting against myself.
I'm trying to stay in love like God has told me to.
Yet this human instinct grows stronger.
This hatred is pulling me back.
Please, please, know it isn't me.
I must be losing it.
Madness. I'll attempt to put an end to it.

And it's like an addiction. I can't help this.
It kicks in every once in a while. It wears me off.
But this is a new feeling, that I'm already tired of.
My fragility won't allow me to resist it,
and you know I've always been this weak.
My heart is racing. It burns my chest.
Love becomes ashes.
Uncertainty. It's making it a clear statement,
that my skinny body can't take anymore.
I always thought panic drives people to this.
But with me, it's something else.
I can't describe it.
It's dangerous, I know.
This monster comes to rend me.
It hugs me tight, it seizes my body and soul.
I'm exhausted. I surrender.

A part of me wants to know what her face looks like.
This girl that's taking you away from me.
I wonder if she would too love you like I do.
Does she have everything I don't?
Big hips, height, weight, a charming personality, a sweet little girl.
Can she fill in for the empty space that I left inside of you?
Will you make her reach the sky like you did with me?
Does she even have the wings to do it?
I hope she's worth it, because I obviously wasn't enough.
But if you have it all, I've got nothing.
See in her eyes what you didn't see in mine when you looked into them.
Love her like you couldn't love me.

Experience as many things as you dreamed of.
Live all the moments you couldn't live before
when I stopped you.
I failed to keep your interest in me.
I'm sorry I ever pulled your strings the way I did.
I won't longer apologize because it won't change what's done.
I don't want to play the victim anymore.
You're right, in the very farthest back of my mind,
I have come to realize that you're right.
I'm on your side on this one.
I want to support you like I never did in the past 2 years.
I believe in you, now I do.
Let me do it, I want to do this.
I owe it to you.
Run, run away fast.
I will do the same for you.
I'll let go of this ship, and drown with it.
I'll touch the sea's bottom with my own feet.
Good thing I never learned to swim.
For once, trust me.

What if I was good to you?

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:13:24 GMT

I have a feeling that our love will last forever, and that history will record our names.
I sometimes feel like this could take a while. This might be worth it.
I'm not afraid to risk it all for you.
This feeling makes me stronger.
I smile a lot more often now that I'm sure our love is forever and no one can change that. Words are only words, but these are something to me.
My spirit is dancing around.
I want to kiss your pretty face. It follows my mind everywhere I go...
I love you.

P.S. I can't wait 'til we're together again! until we fight for the stupidest little things and kiss 2 mins after .

One.

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 03:14:36 GMT

You are not reading this... you won't keep up with it. But it doesn't matter.
Some things are better unsaid. This happens to be one of them.

I apologize for ever giving up on love, and life. I'm sorry if I let it take the best of me, I'm sorry that I ever left. I'm back now, I really am. I promise I won't leave again, not the way I did. I'm sorry I stopped loving myself and if I ran out of faith in you... it won't happen again.

You think I'm wrong. So does everyone else. Will you tell me something new, something I haven't heard before? I choose to live in love. I'll let you go but I'll be here when you come back. I've never put my heart into anything. Know that you're not just someone else... not to me. They say that this isn't it, they don't know anything about love. People care too much Everyone says you're not worth it. I think you're more than that, I believe you're there, it'll just take you a couple mistakes to realize. Call me dumb, call me stubborn, I know you're there. Thank you, Honey, for being the best part of me. You won't understand now, but one day you'll figure it out.

It happened to me once, let me tell you, and it's changed my life for the better; it took all the pain away, and transformed it into the purest form of love. And I've been in other relationships before but you are my first real love, you're the only one love that lasts forever. I'm glad you're it. Don't be afraid to be come back, I won't hurt you back because that's not me or what I want for us. I'm not ashamed to forgive you. I have a reason to live now, and that is you. You don't see it now, but I do and that's more than enough. I live for the moment when you come back. I realized that if fighting you couldn't ease the pain, then maybe I should try fighting you with love. That's my best arm. It will fill you in when you start seeing like I do. It will feel like heaven, God will be there to welcome you... You'll never want to leave again.

Waiting is the hardest part, but right now feels like a piece-a-cake. I love you, Bello.

You will always be the bitter, saddest part of me

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 16:09:58 GMT

Last night was the same story, and it happened twice, but I wasn't scared. There's no room in my body to fear. I was just there, alone.Or not alone at all, in company of a couple tears. Nightmare, waking up, trying to go back to sleep, then have another nightmare. Doesn't it sound nice?

"I made you watch all the pain I must have caused.
But by staying around you saved my life.

I thought I had seen it all when you first walked in but you shut me up and challenged every wrong perception I've had of myself and you havent ever stopped."

And there will be no song that describes how I feel for you. There's no such a poem. There will be no words combined that can show you what's inside of this body with legs and arms. I don't understand how I've been able to walk all these days, how I'm able to get up in the morning, how I've seen what happening around me; I really don't know where I've been to all this time. Where did I go, what happened to me? I've been filling up my stomach but I haven't actually tasted any of the food before me. I doubt you'd realize I won't survive another time.
I'm me, not you. It's not you (who left), it's me.

Were you always this unkind? Don't expect me to understand. Don't try to explain why this happened. Just say you'll make it up to me, say this won't last forever. Tell me there's no need to cry because you'll be back someday. And don't take long. I can't allow my feelings to turn into resentment. If you leave, I'll never get back this part of me again, the one that loves you and is not afraid to do so.

Nothing new.

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 01:30:07 GMT

I never thought I'd need to use this.
I thought I knew you.
My world is falling apart.

I really do have no feelings.
I'm just like you in a way.
I'm sorry. I still don't understand.

Last night I had a dream, suddenly everything went wrong and that dream became a nightmare. Then I woke up, to realize I was all by myself. I was too scared, too cold to move. I noticed the nightmare wasn't over, it's not yet. I've been alone. I've been down, I've been up. I've been gone.
I'm torn, and I gather around the pieces but they seem to slip off my hands.

I'm still hoping it's all a joke. Please, tell me you're just trying to teach me something here, you're just doing it to make me understand... If you need to go, go, but promise me you'll come back. It can not be, this isn't me. It's not fair.
Of all the people, I never, ever, thought you could hurt me. EVER.
You never let me down, not you!

You've made me think I scared you away... and it's true, "there's only 2 kind of guys in the world; the ones that want to be with me, and the ones that are scared of me." You're too scared.